I have been lying to maself for this long. Doing all means to pull back what is neva meant to be. When the time gets longer, I cannot assure maself if there would be second Sarah, third Sarah or more coming in between us. I wonder just how long more for the reality to hit me real hard to make me understand.

I had a very long chat with this long friend of mine who is afraid to salvage his relationship because he can no longer trust his gf anymore. I could totally feel what he has been going through. While tryin to convince him to regain his confidence in the relationship, on the other side I know how it really feels when a relationship holds on without trust. I stumbled when he question me why am I holding on to the futile ending.

Why do I allow maself to feel at wits end most of the time? Why do I fall in sucha deep pit that I neva imagined I would? Why am I so silly to sink in deeper and deeper?

What an idiot I have been. Knowing stayin on hurts me further yet I choose to stay put.