I have been lying to maself for this long. Doing all means to pull back what is neva meant to be. When the time gets longer, I cannot assure maself if there would be second Sarah, third Sarah or more coming in between us. I wonder just how long more for the reality to hit me real hard to make me understand.
I had a very long chat with this long friend of mine who is afraid to salvage his relationship because he can no longer trust his gf anymore. I could totally feel what he has been going through. While tryin to convince him to regain his confidence in the relationship, on the other side I know how it really feels when a relationship holds on without trust. I stumbled when he question me why am I holding on to the futile ending.
Why do I allow maself to feel at wits end most of the time? Why do I fall in sucha deep pit that I neva imagined I would? Why am I so silly to sink in deeper and deeper?
What an idiot I have been. Knowing stayin on hurts me further yet I choose to stay put.
A day worths to call for celebration! Yayyness! I had ma follow-up ova at Dr Goh's Clinic. The moment I fear than anything else. Beats having plucked out 4 teeth at a time, beats having endured initial stage of braces. Took out ma nasel buds which hurts more than the surgery I had. Blood was oozing out and I could hear the splattering sound on the plate. *Disgusted* Followed ba two plasty big long stuffs outta ma nostrils which I totally had no clue about!
I finally smell fresh air afta 3 days of budded nose. No more deadly clogged nose, no more headache. No more puking and not too much of sensative nose moments. Ma mates around me should be elated for me. LOL!
Comes to think of it, it seems like ma whole face has been restructured before. Ma eyes was stitched to create double eye lids. Ma teeth was straightened with braces. Ma nose just done with surgery.
Oh well, I spent $13k on ma face just on these two years itself. Not natural at all!
Over and done with
Tuesday, October 07, 2008
I had ma operation yesterday morning ova at Mount E. I slept the whole day. Nose bleedin and clearing of the mess is practically a routine to me. Today, I finally regained conscious most of the time but ma nose hurts like nobody would understand. Nose bleeds as usual, eyes are teary.
Diamond has his hair cut short. I can feel his baby hair's softness. I know he doesnt likes it because he has been avoiding the crowd's pressence ever since. It's not like him anyway. Give him some time and he will regain back his good old confidence.
Bf is terribly sick too. We are both resting at our own house. We have no ability to get outta door nor we wish to.
Im dead bored at home, feels terrible too.
Wed shall be follow up at Mr Goh's clinic. I hope he pulls the nasel cottons and takes out the stitches. Im suffering~ Let's hope ma nose wont have to go through such treatment anymore!