.THE JOKER IS ALWAYS SMILING. EVERYONE HAS HIS DOUBTS.

Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Im starting to get mad about maself.

I chided one of ma member for the misconduct. It took alot of courage to do so.

fair lady

Sunday, October 28, 2007

When ya grow especially inclined on someone emotionally, ya know there isnt space for ya to think correctly. Ya emotions had took over the mind.

So as time goes by, ya have grown haggard after da constant wear and tear during the fight.

There will be a day ya will turn back and smile at ya folly. Thinking about the past ya had with dat man. Ma lady, when will ya wake up from the dreams?

many more

Wednesday, October 24, 2007

Anthony was very upset with our group when we attend his class on Tuesday. We are not doing stuffs we are suppose to and we cant blame him at all. That really serves as a wake up call to us.

I thought about alot of stuffs recently. While I was on ma way to AMK on monday, I thought about the days I had in secondary school. That kinda carefree life is what I missed. While waiting for ma mum to touch down from Macau, I then realized we haven been spending quality mother-and-daughter time together. I sat on his car to JB last night, I realized there were so much things I can do other than being ever so uptight about him. So much more. I feel like I have attained another level of understanding and no longer persist in the things I cant have.

snap it~

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

I had lofty aspirations. Uptight about ma future, thought big for ma dreams. I suppose complaceny plays a big part over these years. Attractive paid job for 2 years got me blinded for as long as I've started working.

I used to think im a different individual that can excel in anything. I thought I could blend into any situation without hiccups. I thought I can shine from the norm. But now, Im just covered with doubts for ma abilities. I have lost the confidence I had.

However, Im glad I have 2 close friends who have faith in me. The two who always believe and spur me on. With their encouragements, Im moving on and found back ma big dreams.

Labels: I

hair, nothin but hassle!

Saturday, October 13, 2007

Ma classmate, Nur rolled her eyes and said "again?"

Mel asked me, " Ya just cant wait for it to grow?"

Ma lecturer, May said "If ya have too much money and dunno how to spend, give me some."

Ma hair changes every week. Had black extensions and take it off after two months.

Changed ma hair colour almond.

Getting ma hair braided in Thailand.
Took it off barely after a week.

2 Weeks after that, I got ma hair extended again! This time with colour closely matched ma dyed hair and bleached streaks!

Getting extensions like free flow? And they misinterpreted Im filthy rich. That's not true.

a silly rant outta nowhere

Friday, October 12, 2007

So it's hard to capture the opportunity of stablizing the relationship like any others. Half of the time, we spent quarrelling over the unneccessaries. Da other half, we spent the time with others and not alone.

I hate waiting and expecting. If he is going to have lunch with me? Am I included in his day plans? Shall i voice out if I wish to see him? If he still excited to hang out with me despite spending yst and da day day before with me? I had been so uncontrollably mad over these issues over countless times. What actually caused it?

I hate it when he hurl verbal abuse to me. It could means nothing to anyone. Even a weak hearted may not feel the pressure nor feel threatened towards it. However, it cringes ma little heart everytime he does that. Da words revolved into poisonous darts hit on bull's eyes that landed on ma heart. It becomes curse and got me trapped in the words from time to time. What do I mean to him exactly?

I hate to think back of the past. Da fearsome truth that makes me and our bond so fragile. Why am I being implicated. Why didnt he collect his feelings well enough before making a new step that means so much more?

I then understood. If love exists, a lil gesture from him will make ya a happy lil woman who would bask into pool of fire for him. A lil mistake from him will make ya in living hell. Ya will be riding emotion roller coaster ever since. Ya would go extra miles for the sake of love. Ya would do silly things in everyone's eyes yet ya dun give a hoot so long ya're in love.

So, if da love dies, ya begin to see the world in different perspectives. And the whole thing mentioned above will then naturally means nothing.
Why do ma love hardly gets reciprocated? Does that means, wait for ma passion to die off?

true

Thursday, October 11, 2007

MEN

I will neva understand using ma whole life.

Im outta this game.

everyone is in love!

Tuesday, October 09, 2007

She admits it! She is madly in love. Gee.. not hard to get her to admit herself. Don was da tough chick to get her. She was in denial da first half year she was attached.

Ma boy is an eccentric fellow. Probably that's why Im madly stucked with him.

Monday, October 08, 2007

Each time I see Jo, it's like a reborn Jo. The face says confident. The eyes brimming with hopes. Da blushing rosy cheeks and constant secret smiles that she fails to wipe off from her face. That kind of aura she exudes out, telling me she is deeply madly in love with a man. She starts and ends da sentences about him. Every beadsy things revolved around him. She longs for him, she misses his presence and so on. She makes the world envy. She makes me think.

That is the kind of look I used to carry. Not anymore.

Maybe getting maself a lil treat to facial gives me a similar glow. Ma face needs a serious revitalization!

It shall be, it will be..

Tuesday, October 02, 2007

Lost and gonna be remembered. Yet another new phase. This time, I did not shed a tear. It doesnt spells Im stronger but I know it's gonna be another futile try.

Flashbacks from da past came into ma mind. Ive thought it over, who would have possibly love me as much as I do to maself? He will neva be da one. He cant be da one to entrust maself to him. Action says alot. No retaliation speaks all. People says it, and now advices finally have not fall on deaf ears. Im awaken from da blinded love that has turned cold.

I believe there's nothing to resolve it. So many unhappy events have been coming like strong currents to hit me. Im feelin exhausted from trying to stay afloat on the raging sea. It's beyond ma means to keep it alive.When was the last time we freed our real thoughts? How did we become like this?

No, nobody's fault. If ever there gonna be, it shall be mine. Blame it on naviety once again. To believe everything will be beta. Blame it on me, fer crawling back time and time again and allow to be trampled on.