I trust ya but never will I trust ya pacts between us. Ya made it so frequent that look like evil deceptions to blind me temporary and cheat me into believing once more.
I love ya but I find it hard to accept ya actions sometimes. Enough to kick ya arse and clutch ma fists till it turned purplish.
We have come this far and yet ya claimed we cant go any further. This sounds devastating and only makes me think da walk we had is futile.
Ya said ma mind is shallow and I'll say ya words are full thorns and being tactless. All and all, we are just too arrogant to recognize our mistakes.
Ya feels like giving me a punch and I fantasize about sending ma slaps on ya face. We are just indulging in violence scene and fulfill perverse satisfactions.
With intrigueing twists and turns our life, we've intertwined one's path. So make sure we live da best of it till we pass this stage.
Cool off huney, we can make it beta.
So I tried bakin peach crumble yesterday. Everything was fine except fer a lil setback. I failed to set da oven's mode properly that da crust beneath wasnt cooked! :( Mum ate it nevertheless.
Mum said the sweetness is acceptable and the crust smell nice too. Im contented enough. So im trying the second time today!
Dee, I added another 20g of butter. Beacause i was afraid it's not sticky enough. Haha.. but da recipe ya gave was easy and fantabulous!
After which, I met up with Shell in the evening after her work. We went to vivo to have our dinner and sat ba da alfresco area to have a long chat. I love yesterday. I have always wanted to do this for a date with D. After a nice dinner, need no fancy gift or exciting programmes. Sitting ba a nice place to exhange words of thoughts and share our dreams. I guess I've really mellowed down alot. Well, he has been really busy with work and dating seems far away. Anyhow! Doing it with Shell brought me other pleasant feelings too. We talked about our bf, our year 3, our plans and lotsa catching up.
Caught the last train home fortunately. Or else I wouldnt know what to do. Ma pocket was left with miserable 6 bucks. Rain started pouring awhile before I reached home. I got terribly drenched ba da downpour. Was feeling down for a moment. Chatted with D for awhile before we headed to sleep.
Today, Im going fer a date with D. If things allow, i hope to go to Vivo today again. :)
Jo dearest,
Saturday, June 23, 2007
We arrived late fer our girl's big day. However, we had the equal amount of fun. Jo gave me a warmth hug as I wish her happy birthday. That instant moment, I feel as if da past grudges were being melted away and what's left is our pure friendship like da past.
She was high before we bidded goodbye. Lotsa laughters and drunkards. She toasted with D and asked him to treat me beta in future. She still loves me as much. Had a talk with Aunt Irene, Jo's mum. She approved of ma bf. I hold her words highly because I consider is one of ma mentor in life. She told me alot of things which almost make ma eyes welled up with tears.
Seeing everyone's presence was nice. Especially seeing Seng babe and Jo. Seng babe is becomin more and more charming now. Im sure suitors fer him are floodin his way.
Im glad Dee is happy with her choice now. I experienced it and I know it's hard to pass that phase. Her smiles are all plastered on her face.
Eliz is becomin more and more pretty. I almost cant take my eyes off her too. We've arranged on a meet up. And I hope it's really soon~
It was a successful night fer her.
cheers to singlehood
Friday, June 22, 2007
I can set more time for maself and question da changes in me recently. Being in a relationship that dignity and pride got to be trampled around, ego to be deflated has no more interest to arouse me.
keep track
Wednesday, June 20, 2007
As soon as ma swelling subside and feelin beta, I walked ma way to have maself photographed for the license. Yayyyy! I tried driving to work with mum ba ma side. She was very cool about it. Sometimes it's good to be da 2nd one to take license in da household. Caused Don has shouldered most of the stress coming from ma parents and they are likely to get used to be driven around ba teens. HA!
Im rather disappointed that ma plan for Friday is wrecked. But what Ken said was right, he did that for our own good. Gahh.. That was something I was lookin for! Anyhow, I have settled da more important stuff for that day. I hope she likes it.
Went to see Elle for 2 days and she said I have put on weight with dismay. She has stressed that I beta get back to shape else I'll be dealt severely. Ahhhhh..... Totally agree with Don. When Im lookin down, I could only see layers and layers of fats. Am i beyond hope that is?
Oooooooooo lala!
Friday, June 15, 2007
I broke ma room big mirror few days ago. Many say it spells big troubles. Some say it helps me to block big troubles . Anyhow, I dun think it works this way.
I have solved da misunderstandings with someone who is important to me.
Best of all, I have passed ma driving test. It's all good news isnt?? Because I have passed the test, I have collected few dinner and drink treats from the concerned mates of mine. Lovely. But but but! I have yet to take ma license. Reason being, ma swelled eyes are too ugly to take pictures.
Went for da follow up. Doctor Andrew say it's recovering except for the bruises. Maybe takes a week for it to subside. Meanwhile, everything's good.
This coming Fri is another big celebration. Something to look forward. Very much lookin forward. All hyped fer it!
I have picked up smoking again. This is bad and I guess da next week staying at home might helps.
Those who were worried sick about me for the past weeks. Im pleased to tell ya, Im getting on fine. Im elightened. I was foolish. Im always lookin forward to tomorrow. Im gonna learn to bake for ma bday missy. Im a happy girl. What else?
sunflower love
Wednesday, June 13, 2007
Smile and participate in life. Im a sunflower maself, never shall I be deemed as weed.
Gone were da weary days, beautiful days are awaiting.
Im as fresh as a sunflower.
May da rays shine upon me.
Not againnnn
Tuesday, June 12, 2007
Speakin of which, I was chattin to a mate of mine last night. He mentioned he is punched down ba several chapters of his life. It's just another phase to go through. After this, im sure he will be a stronger man. Mankind are made to withstand hardships anyway!
D brought me to some spiritual stuff at Serangoon last night. He asked about ma TP this thursday. Although i cant figure out what he said, D explained to me I needa take four time in order to pass. Ma heart sank upon hearin this. It means more money thrown to drain instead of puttin it to wiser use. She said im not concentrated in doin stuffs which was true. I was given a talisman to be burnt and drink then wipe on ma face hoping to pass smoothly. Haha... I hope it helps.
Some heavy issues have been resolved and ma heavy mood has been lifted up instantly. :)
grin to cover unshed tears
Sunday, June 10, 2007
Enticing relief of troubles in liquor lulls me pleasantly with a false sense of security and it's a dangerous lullaby for a time being.
Time passes very slowly for me. Other may have read too much soap stories of mine in this blog. Yet I have never been quite optimistic bout it. I shun from changes, I shun from da world.
Coping at home means growing more melancholy every hour. I drained ma enthusiasm unknowingly. Filling with envious eyes at others' eventful life and splendid occurances. Lookin back at ma own's blandness that's unable to lift colours in any aspect.
I look and behave like a loser. I can only seek solace in ma gurl, ma closest and yet da busiest.
In most time, I cried out desperately fer a change and to realized nth in da world changes for me.
I make successful jokes infront of others. Somtimes fun and warm, sometimes cold and merciless. It's just a cover for another emotion for me to hide. To bring the gift of tears and laughter to the public through the stage, at the cost of the privacy I seek and need.
In a room of laughter and talks, Im often left with solitude. No strength from within be in social distinction.
I feign ignorance at most of the time because I thought that might be a bliss fer me. To let time washes da pain and misunderstands itself. Very soon, I know deception is too hard to take.
To smile to cover unshed tears girl. I can do it.
summer ends
Wednesday, June 06, 2007
I dreamt of ya twice in 2 weeks. Thoughts in da day, dreams in da night. First dream was I received an inviting call from ya to club with few of our friends. Yesterday's dream was bitching session over da phone. We behaved like nothing else in da world bothers. I never thought that da decision I have made, resulted in gained one lose one. I have him yet I lose ya. A plight which I would neva imagined I would be in.
Don said I have bloated everywhere. Nthing I wear compliments me. This news upsets me terribly. Yet I cant do anything.
I've checked up extension at it's hairy. Da hair stylist said ma hair is too short fer any extension done. Da result wouldnt be perfect too. She later suggested me to cut shorter. Wad a contradiction. Why I even asked fer extension in da first place. Dammnnn...... Just wait patiently fer 2 month and see what da messy hair turn out into. *frown*
sober up
Tuesday, June 05, 2007
Im free and available. I cant be any happier. I'm talkin about ma time and no other issues.
Thursday, I would be doing a small operation and prepare to stay home fer a week. I would uglified da environment if I decided to take a walk outside if im feelin bored. Hahaha. I'll kill maself if I ever do that.
I tried and tried and Im sick of trying. If this is da way it's meant to be, and let it shall be. If this is a way of spitting each other and this worths it, I must say da efforts from both came to a nought. No amount of understanding from me will satisify ya.We are likely to be disconcerted by . . . hiatuses of thought. I'll leave ya in ya own beautiful world while I lead ma own. I'll neva believe in we can make it beta. So please knock ma own head and be sober.
save ma hair!
Monday, June 04, 2007
Don and ma latest addiction: shaker fries. Once starts cannot stop arrrrrr.
D told me, ma short hair is really really horrendous lookin. Come to think about it, Im really scared. If I managed to pass ma TP, I would be takin photo with ma short hair and im really disgusted da thought of it.
I thought I might just wanna stay home while waiting fer it to grow longer. But it takes forever to even see an inch of growth. Coping at home might only promise spider webs and gaining of weight that's all. Think armpit hair grow faster than da hair on ma scalp larh.
On second thought, I wanna invest lump sum of money on ma hair. Extension is one solution. Thick silky long hair. Sense of feminine. Flippin of hair to mesmerize. Sway tp entice. MMMMMmmm....OOOOOOOooooo... i miss ma long hair!
I beta get changed and go and ask around fer da price. Strike da iron while it's hot!
laterz~
I wanna do shopping!
Sunday, June 03, 2007
I have been sick fer these 2 days. See red earlier than usual this month. Body's telling me ma health is deteriorating.
I read this artical about a lady smoker. She said she looked haggard and pale. Her complexion has worsen ever since she picked up smoking. Im starting to sense chill down ma spine. I wanna quit and need lotsa encouragement from ma closests. :)
GSS has been going on fer quite some time now and I feel like im excluded from da sales. :( Being a fashion merchandising student, I shld have at least stepped into town to feel da vibe from windows of fashion and bustling people. But this month im really tight up with cash on hands. Next month would be expecting dry well too. Everywhere's sales but not in ma favour!
rottencabbage.
The one your momma
always warns you about.
