These years i have been learning do things independently and it's not easy for me. Im blessed with one lovely soul since da day i was born and we are glued together, since then i have never experienced loneliness. Loneliness is ma greatest weak point, push me to a lonely exile and i'll raise ma white flag. I feel threatened wheneva she is not beside me, even a short bus trip or a 10 mins walk in solitude would take ma life away. As years fly by, we have different routes, different choices, no matter how indispensible she is, she has to leave under circumstances of life. I learnt to take bus alone, dine alone and socialise alone. Im still daunted and feel petrified by da BIG word till date. No amount of friends would fill that emptiness within.
Talkin bout this, i have been socializing generously recently. Da emptiness grows and gets more overwhelming as i talk to more people. At a point of time, i was totally engulfed. This led me realised, im probably not within ma comfort zone anymore, i feel shakened. I have no idea where im heading to, what i want. This is pretty scary to think of.
And talking bout meeting people, da major minus point would be ME waiting for YOU. Ya have no idea how it irks me because i HATE to be a lonesome soul wandering about while waiting. This is enough for me to get ya blacklisted in ma life fer leaving me in a state of seclusion. Da 2nd minus would be, someone who yakks like ya've given only a min to talk bout ya whole life to me. I tend to withdraw maself and only listens to ya while ma mind strays other place because im not granted a chance to talk. I would be isloated. Ya force me to scratch if im a cat. That defeats my purpose of asking ya out when im feeling bored.
Too much of digression. So I say, changes is hard but acceptance is harder to crack. Changes can be enforced, while da act of assenting or believing engages ya willingness in ya mindset.
C'mon and give me an orgasmic massage on ma both shoulder blades, bcos i have been fighting against the ruthless LONE DEVIL and against maself. Dun I deserve that?
