facades are beautiful things but it give me creeps

with a heavy heart i wrote

2010-11-27T23:56:00.002+08:00

i could feel you turn your back on me. i feel like you have already taken his side. There are things i will definately spare a thought for you, however in your case, you will not.

Why am i thinkin this way? Did i overestimated myself? Could i have taken it for granted because i thought youth is my triumph card? Will i win down the road?

you made me think how shallow we know each other despite years of spending time together. you made me think you will be a man with heart of stone the moment you stop loving. you made me think im just any plain jane without special priority in your heart or even worse than your friends. you also made me think, you could trade my love for you to anything that could benefit you. Lastly.. you've make me think over and over again.. im off better without you presence. so much happier and free of these.

happy note

2010-07-19T13:53:00.005+08:00

Received my first chanel bag from Don! Mad happy about it! Cant bear to use it to date, only glance it with gratitude! A big thank you to you! I cant express how touched and how I love this present!

To reciprocate your love, I present this,

a pink cruiser! A total sweet combination to my Paul Frank bike. I know! I know! Compare to ya gift, a tad cheap! However, this is wad Don has been wishing for! This is before zhng-ed! I geared it up with, a rattan basket as shown above, a classic air horn! And a retro light! Ahaha.. limelight will be on us girls when we ride it down the alley!

deflates me thoroughly

2010-06-23T19:10:00.002+08:00

I have no idea why im feeling it so strong. It could happened because there's no time for me to vent out. It could also because Im experiencing the time of the month. Maybe also could be my life changes too drastically and Im feeling the heat.

I feel I ought to take a break from everything.

Im especially frustrated when Im already tied down with my own workload, but i have to run the errands for ya. Ya seem carefree, comes as ya go, but wad ya left down are mess which i gotta clear, gotta expledite, gotta explain.

Ya beg to differ when I sounded my dismay, ya protest at your very own pride. Which i feel, ya have the chance to criticize me, but not the other way round.

Ya nonchalence aggravates the situation further. Ya prioritize others stuffs and forget bout the promises made with me.

Perhaps, ya beg to differ again this time, but I cant help and to feel this way. It's inevitable to feel what im feeling now. To sum up, maybe it's the time of the month again. That could be the reason im throwin missy fit, hence this post.

Dumbo and mini dumbo

2010-06-15T18:00:00.005+08:00

When I was my parents' favourite

Leave the past behind

Carpe diem

Beautiful sunday

Brother just shot his new collection of his dumbo-s. Those pictures say alot of his thoughts. They are so expressive that I can't help but to steal some of his pictures and broadcast it. Those are sucha delightful pieces!

be moderate

2010-06-10T18:09:00.001+08:00

I had always wanted to try office work. To my horror, it is not as glorious as it seems. Blame it on my wishful thinking. I should have known.

2009-10-09T22:08:00.002+08:00

YOU KNOW WHAT? SOMETIMES I HATE MY GUTS.

I THOUGHT IT'S GETTING BETTER, BUT WHAT THE FUCK!

william mini bash

2009-09-23T22:14:00.003+08:00

Celebrated Will's birthday on monday. At dinner at Suntec's Kuishinbo and head to Kbox afterwards. It was a night pack with craziness with the group! Had fun with them. Terrance was late. But he had fun nevatheless.

mochi

2009-09-23T21:00:00.003+08:00

This is Mochi! It's a she! Owned by Rain and Evita. She is so adorable when she lazes around. Trembles when I hold her to my chest. Bites my finger when I place near her. One word, cuteness! Diamond is jealous when I brought Mochi to see him. He didnt wanna play with Mochi which is very unusual. And I was having silly thoughts to pair them up when Mochi grows up!

Reminds me of Diamond when he's young. Ahh.. my son is celebrating his 2nd birthday very soon!

IS IT REAL?

2009-09-20T17:27:00.003+08:00

I hardly have the feelin of liberation after so long. As the 2009 stretches, I finally able to take things in my stride. I love the feeling of being in control. Ahh.. nt too much of a control freak but able to decide what's good for myself.

For a start, I picked up Don's and my humble ride at Alexandra last night. Dar was being such hiss, he bailed out on me and so did Don! Everythin is nice with the car but needa bling it up abit! Wait and see

Can ya all feel im so happy with the new buy?!

first car

2009-09-06T15:47:00.000+08:00

So Don and I have decided on a I30. Despite it wasnt in our thoughts but, yea. Oh well, Im very much impressed by that car with its new face lift. We were jeering at that car when dad suggested it then. LOL.

Im very excited because having a car makes the trip to Jo's house whole lot easier. With a car, meeting up with babes anytime anywhere. How can we not love that idea when the car is being paid for?

p.s: beware! there's 2 dangerous female driver out there now!

maligned

2009-08-18T13:36:00.000+08:00

I seriously suspect my boss is insane!

Vicious attacks frm him constantly.

I

2009-07-12T20:52:00.001+08:00

ya're nt da only one who is fretting!

I think im gonna age.

FREAKIN SATURDAY

2009-06-28T14:30:00.006+08:00

2 of my dolls happened to share the same birth date which falls on 27th of June. Howeva, the year gap was rather a big one. LOL

Jo's was an impromptu one and credit goes to Justin, her boy. We met up for short drinks and desserts. Was with Mich, keen, Don, Jer, and Justin and doll herself. :) I love it.

Zoelyn's event has a dress theme for it, and that's black and sexy. We took hell loads of outside of Social House. If I have a chance to grab pics from her, i would. Da interior is nice, but DJ sucks big time thou. Then again, companions were really really good!

I have Jo's pic with me now. Jia Hui's lata.

Jer, Don,Mich, Keen, Me, Jo and Justin

Keen and I

Jo and Justin!

3 girls

Don and I

We girls again!

Here we are, Zoelyn's party at Social House
Dancers on the platforms
We girls are told to pose for the camera

' Sexy back' supposedly

Liberation

2009-06-15T14:30:00.003+08:00

It doesnt pays to be kind. Im suffering from the benevolent acts and it's haunting me.

Other than that, I could feel my breathe is back to normal when ya unlift the unduly worries from me. Ya made me see the world be could as beautiful as a lone soul.

With or without you, my life neva seemed easier.

it was made up long ago

2009-06-13T14:18:00.003+08:00

Between us, you have been the stronger one. You're have been calling the shots. The decision you made today was decided long ago by fate. You chose to defy it and you challenged it. If you acknowledge this decision way before today, we wont be meeting so many bumps along the way.

Wise choice I would say. For we have many differences now.

2009-06-04T19:05:00.003+08:00

An unintentional Japan trip. Im not excited bout it. Im really scared I'll get quarantined. Till then.

Life has been really uncertain for me. Worries are really enveloping me. D said this trip is for me to relax but I think otherwise. I cant let go what's gonna happen in SG, I dunno if she can cope well without me around. This trip is good but comes too early. Im nt ready for a so called rest yet. She needs me around.

Oh, Diamond looks especially cute when he climbs stairs. His lil butt worths a lil swatt on it.

Mum's birthday next week. A Burberry Blue Label that is. She worths more than that, during my down time, she was there to listen to me. She holds on to life because of us.

2009-05-21T21:57:00.003+08:00

The time has come again. Fallin into depressing time. I dunno why but everytime like this is gettin harder and harder to comprehend.

Can I go back to the 'bed of roses' time? Can I relive my world free of unduly worries? 1 day will be good enough.

It's only here that I could really share without prejudices.

2009-04-18T13:13:00.001+08:00

"You will know it when the right man comes along." - Don

I cant agree more with Don for what she mentioned in her blog.

买东西，吃东西, 买东西，吃东西, 买东西，吃东西

2009-03-19T21:13:00.009+08:00

HK trip with da drama mama was darn good. Packed with laughters, bargains and good food everyday! Had ma virgin try of concert which I think it's fantabulous~

Let da pic do da talkin fer now~

Early morning

First meal in dim sum cafe

Dinner ova at MongKok

Was forced to drink down da red wine

LKF

Jia Hui dared us to bar top dancin and recorded it down!

3 dancer wannabeeee

Gary, Fang Da Tong, and JJ

Jia Hui spent 14boxes of Bangawan Pandan Sponge Cake and 3kg of Ling Zhi Yuan Bak Gua to return da favour of da tickets.

We bunked in Venetian ova at Macau

Suite fer a night

Go kart gear. As thou we are robbers in action

Group pic.

Im nt sayin.. but look at Darren's stomach!

no keys to enter suite and we're stucked!
queens' treatment! 1 leg massage and 1 doin pedi

Zhu Hai's loots

2009-02-19T17:43:00.000+08:00

Fatherless. We children gotta be strong fer her. I love you. Always do.

quick update!

2009-02-05T22:09:00.002+08:00

I have da best of luck in CNY. I won Texas Hold'em everytime! I won BlackJack too. I won MG and Sequence. Im a big winner~ Horray!

Diamond is getting more and more sensible. He just makes me love him even more!

HK trip ard March. Will be going with bf and his sis and several of our common friends. Bf laughed at me when I said im gonna bring 1k. Which was reasonable, da previous time I went with 1k was with ma family. So meals and accomodations checked, and I gotta take $500 each from mum and Don. Yes, Im an impulsive buyer!

Pics to come!

clotted

2008-11-24T23:51:00.004+08:00

This is an abandoned blog. That because yours truly has no time fer anything and everything else in da world now.

When the time ya're drownin with troubles, the ones that ya thought who would be able to lend ya a helping hand does not do much.

Call me a dimwit or what, I have been too kind with friends around me. So much so that they treat me like a fool. Being a kind soul without brain doesnt earns ya credits nor brings ya to heaven as if ya've done deeds. I learnt this fact the hard way. I dun wanna reveal da whole truth here, because Im not gonna let other friends of mine eva have bad impresion on them. Anyhow, neva shall I allow maself to fall for this pit and not being too gullible. Perhaps looks tell, I have a stupid face so I got cheated. Well said.

busy busy busy

2008-11-07T16:41:00.002+08:00

Went to Club 21 bazaar sale. Nothing caught ma eyes. I should have know cos Im not bazaar kind of person. Da dust rising up from each dig into the chunks of past seasons apparels irritates ma nose badly. I was very surprised that Ken spent 990 bucks on those apparels which somehow lost their snob appeal. Everybody came back with full loaded shopping carrier. Everyone was happy but not me. :( I saw familiar face there, Anthony was there with a group. Reckon they are his students thou.

Do you know ma days now are awfully packed with work and work and work? Im currently holding three jobs! LOL! I can simply kick ma mj addiction without fuss. No shopping, no chilling, no nothing. Time is money. Money is time!

It's Diamond's Day!

2008-11-03T12:22:00.004+08:00

It's Diamond's first time celebrating his birthday. Because of today's special, I thought of buying him a tuxedo suit. Unfortunately, he looks uncomfortable so I opted for OshKosh jumper fer him. Looking very cute. Don is getting him adidas shoes. Thoughtful she is, she doesnt wan Diamond to dirty himself knowin very well he can be very messy at times.

I got him a Halloween prop fer him too. He seems to like it thou. Some proof for my assumption!

Take 1
Take 2

Take 3!

Had wanted to celebrate it today. Well, bf's werking today. Therefore, we postpone it to this Wednesday. Bringing him to Botanical Garden with alot of goodies. Boy, he's gonna be mega spoilt with the choices of food!

Growing up too fast, his bed must be changed!

1 YO

2008-10-23T15:08:00.004+08:00

Ten more days to Diamond's one year old birthday. Gonna buy him a suit and bring him to fine dining. His friends are all invited to share this important date. Meanwhile, I wish to make use of this chance to find his other half. I hope he has a heir to carry down his good genes before sterilizing him.

2008-10-22T16:07:00.002+08:00

I have been lying to maself for this long. Doing all means to pull back what is neva meant to be. When the time gets longer, I cannot assure maself if there would be second Sarah, third Sarah or more coming in between us. I wonder just how long more for the reality to hit me real hard to make me understand.

I had a very long chat with this long friend of mine who is afraid to salvage his relationship because he can no longer trust his gf anymore. I could totally feel what he has been going through. While tryin to convince him to regain his confidence in the relationship, on the other side I know how it really feels when a relationship holds on without trust. I stumbled when he question me why am I holding on to the futile ending.

Why do I allow maself to feel at wits end most of the time? Why do I fall in sucha deep pit that I neva imagined I would? Why am I so silly to sink in deeper and deeper?

What an idiot I have been. Knowing stayin on hurts me further yet I choose to stay put.

can i smell ya?

2008-10-08T22:48:00.002+08:00

A day worths to call for celebration! Yayyness! I had ma follow-up ova at Dr Goh's Clinic. The moment I fear than anything else. Beats having plucked out 4 teeth at a time, beats having endured initial stage of braces. Took out ma nasel buds which hurts more than the surgery I had. Blood was oozing out and I could hear the splattering sound on the plate. *Disgusted* Followed ba two plasty big long stuffs outta ma nostrils which I totally had no clue about!

I finally smell fresh air afta 3 days of budded nose. No more deadly clogged nose, no more headache. No more puking and not too much of sensative nose moments. Ma mates around me should be elated for me. LOL!

Comes to think of it, it seems like ma whole face has been restructured before. Ma eyes was stitched to create double eye lids. Ma teeth was straightened with braces. Ma nose just done with surgery.

Oh well, I spent $13k on ma face just on these two years itself. Not natural at all!

Over and done with

2008-10-07T13:05:00.002+08:00

I had ma operation yesterday morning ova at Mount E. I slept the whole day. Nose bleedin and clearing of the mess is practically a routine to me. Today, I finally regained conscious most of the time but ma nose hurts like nobody would understand. Nose bleeds as usual, eyes are teary.

Diamond has his hair cut short. I can feel his baby hair's softness. I know he doesnt likes it because he has been avoiding the crowd's pressence ever since. It's not like him anyway. Give him some time and he will regain back his good old confidence.

Bf is terribly sick too. We are both resting at our own house. We have no ability to get outta door nor we wish to.

Im dead bored at home, feels terrible too.

Wed shall be follow up at Mr Goh's clinic. I hope he pulls the nasel cottons and takes out the stitches. Im suffering~ Let's hope ma nose wont have to go through such treatment anymore!

blissed!

2008-09-29T11:48:00.004+08:00

I feel fortunate because I have you. I wanna jot it down in ma little diary because I wanna know I had this I once feel blissed to have ya. There are bad and good times to be together. Right now, I just wanna remember ya good. I cherish ya.

fixing it back

2008-09-24T14:12:00.004+08:00

For a start, Im trying to kick ma bad habit that was nurtured not long ago aside. The fatal "M" in ma life.

Monday was short meet up with the long time good pals. We shared juicy news ova dinner and a cup of coffee. It was a lovely night with them. Captured the moment with few photos and I hope Jass will be mailing it ova as soon as she's done with her work stuffs!

Tue was granny's bday. Relatives gathering, and update maself wadeva's that needs to be updated. Going around talking to ma aunties and cousins. Nice seeing them altogether. It has been eons to feel the other kind of love. Kinship.

Donnie is startin to work with me. Back to the days when we share the same bus rides and lunch breaks. This helps us to bond beta which we somehow lost in two years ago or so. I can't wait.

Diamond is growing really well. I can't wait to celebrate his first bday with him that is coming in two months time. Will we be able to fulfill according to what has been planned?

Meanwhile, I'm waiting anxiously for ma operation. I heard, it saves me great time. Whoeva who knows me well know what is vital to me over the years yea?

I want to love camera. I want to look and feel beautiful.

F.R.I.E.N.D.S

2008-09-07T14:14:00.004+08:00

I have made several new friends recently. All are mahjong enthusiasts.

One of these new friendS, I had plans to befriend with her years back. I was hesitating because of a misunderstanding. Ironically, she called me and invites me for mahjong session at her place. A very candid lady with no scheming mind. Her pet dog, bubble takes after her friendliness too.

Life wasnt as mundane as before. I made new friends, no longer live for a person.

However, I wish I had more time to meet up with ma old mates. Having said that, they need have time for me too.

clogged

2008-08-28T23:03:00.002+08:00

I have been bottling my true feeling up these days. Alot of things have made me feel uneasy. Too much and I dun feel like blogging out even.

I always feel like I shared ma woes with the wrong one.

I learnt to control ma emotions beta than before thou.

I wonder how long more for these foul mood to vanish.

2008-08-13T14:05:00.000+08:00

'Good men are bad men that neva get caught'.

Needa job

2008-08-08T13:35:00.002+08:00

I have been tryin to find an ideal job. For a start, I narrowed down to the kind of jobs I'm interested. Till date, the findings were futile. I'm expanding ma options to other jobs that are relevant to the course I studied. Resumes sent, so pray for calls!

I have placed ma priorities elsewhere.

venom of destruction

2008-07-31T14:13:00.002+08:00

I find I cant face maself anymore. I have no idea how did I become this. I've turned to someone whom I barely know. Everything is so ugly. The devil within me is definately growing, growing is something I cannot stop.

What turned me to do these this? What could be the possible reasons? I feel the need to self destruct. I feel like getting back to others. I want revenges. I want everything to be in ma way. I feel like Im an angry person everyday. I get agitated easily, people around me are suffering. Mood swings from time to time. I often vented out in some way. very bad ways. There's so many dark secrets I cant share. I am still suppressing. I have no idea how long would I be able to endure. I think Im suffocating. I think I am depressed.

I need to put a stop to these. I don't how. I must figure a way out. I must.. I must..

serious thought

2008-07-27T17:17:00.002+08:00

We finally lost it. We would not be happy if as long as there's a glimpse of skeptism.

I guess we really have to figure out what's best for us both.

heartbreaker

2008-07-26T16:58:00.002+08:00

Just how many out there suffered heartbreak from betrayal? I'm cool been there, felt that.

Just when I take it to a further step, it disappoints me. Frozed me totally from where I'm standin. Sometimes, I just hate the fact that I asked maself whether is it worthy to fall for someone whose trust meant nothin anymore.

If he knows how to me right.

gone were da days

2008-07-23T15:05:00.006+08:00

"Gone were da sweet old times." No more drama too.

when he was just a month old

first cut
rugged boyish look

latest cut

Diamond is still young but he is starting to lust! I caught him tryin to hump some of ma mate's legs on few occassions. I was taken aback and amazed ba his determination to hang on to the legs. Sheesh... diamond oh diamond.. it's time to find ya a wife.

he who cares

2008-07-21T15:50:00.002+08:00

With expectations, I made a call over. Knowin I would hear da things i hate to, I went ahead without hesitation. I have always thought sharing ma thoughts is a healthy things to do, however it turned out to become the person feels more like being forced to listen. Then again, perhaps it all started with different values of life.
I've learnt, talk to someone who knows beta.
If there's someone who can treat me beta.

when i look back

2008-07-21T13:40:00.002+08:00

In life, I have numerous regrets. The regrets I had has molded me to become who I am now. I have no power to erase da regrets but I can decide the life of it as long as I make changes now.

2008-07-03T12:45:00.004+08:00

So many things happened but Im too lazy to type it out.

First was Jo's early celebration fer her b'day before she escaped to Bintan with her beloved.

Met up with Shella and Mel fer NYDC to indulge in reminiscence. To my horror, I was being slandered in the school and I knew nothin about it. Well, no big deal Shell said.

Diamond is getting so fat and spoilt. He tends to be picky for food. He goes to mud spa and hair treatment every alternate week. He has his own vehicle(da pram I got fer him). He is just too spoilt. Looks like I pampered him too much. Postin his pics up soon I promise!

Looks like I gotta gather all ma concentration back to have a 10 days slimming regime!

old flame old fren

2008-06-29T19:24:00.003+08:00

Meetin Cheryl again was good. We met up at unusually packed Zouk on a Saturday night. She was with her 2 girlfriends and I was with ma beau and a fren.

Met Kenny at Zouk wasnt unintentional, ba sayin that he coincidentally asked me if Im headin there after ma werk. I thought I dun meet him up to save further misunderstandin but I bumped into him at Phuture. He made some suggestive moves and asked about ma life. I revealed my attached status to prevent more implication. He's attached too now and I guess we are both happy for each other.

So i left abruptly.

die a fat pig or live like a skinny duck

2008-06-28T14:11:00.002+08:00

Friends ard me commented on ma bloated face, flabbier arms, thicker waist and love handles.
I just cant help but laugh it off, ba saying that, I even shake ma arms to further agitate their statements. Dick and Seth have been very encouragin thou, persuading me to jog with them. I just cant do it because I totally lost the mojo of lookin good. LOL!

part ll

2008-06-28T13:46:00.005+08:00

Coffee at Jelly Belly with ma mates
Sun bathin at Tint
Da big day
Groupie
Black with hints of goldish trimminFre, Mel and Nur

Nerdtard
Jowie Lok!

first day of booth

2008-06-23T16:27:00.004+08:00

First day of exhibition. We took control of our booth during the night shift and had loads of fun. I miss them two, Nur an Mel. We had each other to get through the tough times ba consoling each other and spurs each other on. We lata thank each other fer doing so much for the group. The last get-together and the greatest time we had together we had without any form of stress!

Nur and I ad PrepHouse's booth
Mel, Nur and I with the nerdtard look

camera-gurl wannabe

us at Tint's booth
At Jellybelly's!
Our in-house brand, Amalgam
Nurl, I and Daincy

sum it up!

2008-06-23T11:50:00.001+08:00

Genting trip was a bore. No fun!

Donnie girl is accompanying mum to Macau and Hongkong this Friday. I wish I get to go. ;(

I dreamt I married this person in ma hate list. Weirdest dream eva!

overall

2008-06-16T10:58:00.002+08:00

Gone were da week of mum's birthday and fathers' day. It was an eventful week because two celebration held in my family.

Seth's girlfriend was there to celebrate with us too. She was shy but smiley. I like her.

Thou everything's been appeased, I couldnt forgive what I heard. Im sorry but this is affecting me.

polish your natural gift to survive

2008-06-12T15:41:00.003+08:00

A woman who does not know herself has no other choice other than living without other people's evaluation. No one can adapt perfectly to public opinion. And herein lies the source of their destruction.

like any other time

2008-06-11T14:44:00.003+08:00

It's because our circumstances are so different. Because we come from such different background, our attitude towards the value of things are completely different. I could not comprehend his and him couldnt comprehend mine either.

I choose not to argue and rest ma case cause I know it is futile. Thou I was very enlightened a mate of mine, I know I must not relent anymore.

Loathe/love it

2008-06-05T18:44:00.003+08:00

4th june marked ma last most important day in Nafa. I had ma fashion show and everything was smooth. Bf bought me da biggest boquet of flowers and he actually turned up at da show despite saying no.

No award won for Amalgam, our brand. We were still very pleased bcos our lecturer said our brand belong to one of the higher average brand unexpectedly. :)

Tmr is da day that marks the end of school life in Nafa and the fashion show. I will miss the days and ma girls.

Anyhow, I was very unhappy today. Somebody stole ma piece of design and she know who she is. She had da cheek sayin it's hers when every member said it's mine. I dun care who she is giving to or she wants to prove what. Our lecturer knew this and tried to intervent for me. She was still being thicked skinned. Gahh.. nevermind, take it as it is a GIFT from me.

2008-05-30T19:47:00.003+08:00

Ma dad dragged me to his office worked for him. Even before graduation, Im truly exhausted.

I had no choice, juggling with 2 part time now and with school on da other hand. Practically no time fer ma social life.

The reason I gotta slog so hard because I declared bankrupcy!

so long

2008-05-25T00:15:00.002+08:00

when was da last time I logged in, anyone?

I missed Jess's b'day unintentionally. Badly wants to be there thou. I wanna see her and Jannon.

Finally school's ended! Gonna embrace new start of ma life. Im pretty chickened out ba now. The thought of the directions in life. I'm sucha nerd tard.

Life's been a roller coaster ride fer me. Da ups and downs are too much fer me to handle.

I desperately want a trip to be arranged. Anywhere does not matter, I just wanna enjoy ma it.

Da fashion show is giving me shivers. I wonder if da collection is good enough to be on stage parading. Ma group member and I put in alot of effort and money so it beta be good.

Why is everyone fussin ova the matter of money including me?! Give me money!

2008-05-12T15:09:00.000+08:00

Finally a call fer break. Im happy

2008-05-10T19:27:00.000+08:00

The stupefying impact of the tragedy im trying to heal.
Beta not mess with ma luck too much.

god knows

2008-04-25T21:06:00.001+08:00

If ya chose to throw cold hard cash into the bottomless pit. Ya should anticipate the heartache beta.

2008-04-19T13:43:00.003+08:00

Certain things must be left unsaid.
Nothing but a prick.

EMBRACE

2008-04-07T22:23:00.003+08:00

I will do what it takes to stand ba you

Don't run and hide

Cast da history aside

Let's start anew

He is nothing but a prickto you

missed

2008-04-06T12:45:00.002+08:00

I went to Jo's place to work on ma project. She was all concentrated to help me do ma work. I was enjoyin that moment, because it has been ages since we last get together. Had 2 puffs outside her house before drivin off. We spoke alot, we share alot. That's how we shared in da past.

Now that everyone is busy filling up their own busy life, we tend to forget our precious friendship of ours that started miraculously. I hope, with our graduation, our get together sessions would be back like da sweet old memories again.

rude shock

2008-04-02T21:55:00.003+08:00

With today's technology, life could be very exciting.

All I know, wheneva I sleep, I gotta pull Don to ma bedside and refrain her from goin elsewhere. She gave rude shocks and ma 500 bucks were gone. Da worst, I getta realized it only when I woke up.

this weekend

2008-03-30T17:44:00.000+08:00

OVERJOYED.

CRYSTAL

2008-03-28T23:06:00.002+08:00

Bf and I are havin intention of adopting one more puppy. If there's a chance, I would probably get da same breed but different gender. Our main aim is to get them mat and have many more puppies at home. Since I have Diamond now, bf suggested we shall have Crystal. :) Then followed on, their offsprings gonna have corny names~

Im all hyped fer it and Im already sourcing fer a gd soulmate also a playmate fer Diamond!

thorns

2008-03-23T17:12:00.002+08:00

It was supposed to be another usual night on bf's bed. Ma unsettling mind says otherwise. I thought back unpleasant chapter of this relationship. Recalling what ma cousin told me few months back.

Da threat could neva be appeased no matter how long da time is given to me. Da suspicion will always surface even on an ordinary day.

wad will i become

2008-03-20T15:24:00.002+08:00

I cant believe 7 more weeks to freedom. No rushing of assignments, no deadline. It would be the big thing we are anticipating anxiously fer da 3 years of our studies, our fashion show.

I wonder, after that, where would I be? Wad should I do next? Somehow a big decision and it's not fun trifle with. Im faced with many many choices and all seems da same not any that appeals or rather excites me and ma life.

Cool! Let me do a serious consideration on da path I shld take.

Pictures to be here, but Im too lazy to take from the 'fly'.

Our 21st

2008-03-15T13:14:00.003+08:00

Ma lil aunt, diamond boy and I
Beng, Me, Hui Ru and Don

Da birthday twins
Lovely Jowie and her beau with Diamond and I
Alan and Jmi with da birthday girls
Diamond baby and I
Da happy twins with Diamond

Ma beau, ma boy ma man!
Mel and her beau with me Ma family portrait
Ma beau's mother and sister annieMa 21st cake, look sucky but delicious

Ma gorgeous childhood playmate
Da overly hyped twins

Cheers

2008-03-07T19:31:00.003+08:00

Da party wont be a success if not for those who turned up.

Da party was a hasty decision, yet I have a group of backstage helpers who shutter the stuffs back and fro from the chalet. I promised to give them a treat to Marche when Im back from ma trip.

I thank ma besties who really turned up fer ma big day, I really appreciate the thoughts.

I thank Jo and Justin who make it possible fer me to see them. Heart!

Mel and Shella are da sweetest frens in ma Nafa years!

I thank those who wished me well wishes despite they cant make it fer da party.

I thank Shimmy especially fer her lil brownie cupcakes. She made really good peach crumbles last year and I thought she will do it again this year thou. :) Nevaertheless, it taste fantabulous!

For those who arrived with expensive gifts, really a huge THANKS!

I will be flying off to Hong Kong with ma family tmr early morning. Will update pics once I touch down.

happy girl

2008-02-29T20:51:00.002+08:00

Im a very satisfied girl today. Went for medicure with Don at City Plaza. It was dirt cheap, and good results and made two new friends and most importantly, we had alot of fun with the them. I could introduce the place to anyone interested. With full set of nail art on 10 fingers, cost only 27 bloody bucks! Da price is quite comparable to Jb and needless to travel that far!

Afta ma newly medicured fingers, bf brought me to Prada to get me a present fer ma comin bday. Yes yes yes, he got me diamond fer ma pressie, howeva it was too early and I could barely feel da excitment ova it. Not that I dislike it, I love Diamond too much but I will neva reject a pressie that comes to me yea? Afta much consideration, I got a peach long wallet that looks like a clutch. Much more convenient that I dun hafta bring a bag whereva I go. Don got a similar one too and that's fer herself to pamper on her 21st.

Don and I then got a turqouise wallet from Prada fer mumsy.She loves it and has been caressing and lookin at it affectionately. I guess she must be loving it fer da design and brand but more on our love of thought right mumsy?

I have burnt a big hole in ma pocket fer these two week. Still Im a happy girl!

Birthday girls!

2008-02-27T20:34:00.003+08:00

Without formal invitation emailed to everybody this year. Without much planning compared to the last, Im still celebrating ma 21st birthday.

Pretty much the same, Don and I are going to hold our birthday in a chalet this year. Da difference is, it's going to be a bigger, more luxurious and bigger event this year. With an exceeding list of invited guests and food and drinks and mahjong marathon.

Im sure it's gonna be another successful party of the year!

guilty pleasure

2008-02-17T14:02:00.004+08:00

One who seeks pleasure in discriminating people

One who indulges in someone's cries

One who swears to torture people to make his day

One who has no emotions when comes to ties

One who turns off deaf ears to others' pleas

One who disregards everybody but himself

Have ya met someone like this in ya life? Why let somebody like this thrash ya like rubbish?

I thought about it alot of things last night. Da decision comes and go in ma head alot of time and I have always put that idea off. Perhaps da days would be easier and brighter fer me if I decided to give maself more opportunities. Just a dime in a dozen which I shouldnt even fret ova it. Im all ova it.

Perhaps this is da chance im waiting fer. A year of agony is enough.

"why be all loved up in just one day of the year when everyday is valentine's day? provided you have the right partner. else, everyday might end up as world war 3." True indeed. Brilliant said.

Yet another day

2008-02-15T02:26:00.002+08:00

What about da hype for V day? Wad about da surprises Im supposed to receive? I need an answer why do I always get frustrated easily during every year of this time?

Nothin to call fer celebration, nothin about sweet nothing. Just an impromptu gift from bf to call it a day.

Great... I hate V day offcially.

plannner

2008-02-13T19:37:00.003+08:00

It seems like ma life has alot of hurdles to cross despite ma age.

It's da 3rd week that I've moved out. Im startin to get used of everything, out of mother's wings of care, out of da nagging I detest, out of da piping hot home cook food I craved, out of da family's joy I enjoyed.

Perhaps Im a mess wherever I am.I left stains effortlessly, no matter how hard I bother to clean up, da stains are being very stubborn.Diamond falls sick already and Im a bad mummy who is not being attentive enough. I care too much about da unneccessaries but leave un noticed for the important stuffs. I could have dealt with matters efficiently. Especially time management. People like me deserves no pity, because I let da time slips outta ma hands carelessly.

drug allergy?

2008-02-09T15:02:00.000+08:00

Da day before CNY eve, I was admitted to hospital due to drug allergy. I was in deep shock and cant register to da fact. I have been consumin da same chinese med during ma see-red-days, and it cant be happenin on me yet it did.

Ma eyes was swollen and can hardly open, I was gasping fer air. I swear it was an ugly sight. Went to a nearest clinic and had a jab and it wasnt helping. So I was admitted to hospital immediately. Was in da observation room till midnight. Discharged and went to Msia to have ma reunion dinner.

Sucha hectic CNY!

Diamond and LBD

2008-02-03T16:44:00.001+08:00

Donnie girl brought Diamond to meet a new friend(puppy), name's baby. Baby is very withdrawn compared to Diamond, perhaps he hasnt been meeting many faces compared to Diamond. Being as passionate as his mumsy, me, he went far too over friendly. Baby was afraid of Diamond in da end. Donnie girl has to seperate the two puppies for fear diamond might intimidates Baby.

Ahhh... I was fooled ba Diamond. He was sucha quiet lad when I brought him home. He is now a such terror! Anyway, Gene's maid was very pleased to see Diamond and commented he is very handsome.

Im a proud mum!

Donnie girl is bringing him to da dog farm today while I attend a wedding dinner. Talking about it, I burnt ma pocket for da dinner tonight! I bought a LBD at AX for 300 bucks!

firm shoulder please!

2008-01-23T21:01:00.000+08:00

So many things happened recently. When I thought I have found a soumate whom I can rely on, he was apparently able to share ma fun and happiness howeva, unable to share ma woes and sadness.

So many things happened, yet his nonchanlency makes ma heart withered. No words of concern when ma eyes were welled up with tears. No conforting hugs when problems hit me like strong currents.

I wonder if he is da right one fer me? If he is, am I going to find another one who provides me security, someone who tells me I would be safe with him?

independency

2008-01-23T18:20:00.000+08:00

Had a row with mumsy ova Diamond. She was so furious that she would neva accept him back in da house anymore.

She has then turned incorrigibly unreasonable ba restricting Don's movement in da house when I went out to school.

Don and I decided walk out of da house with Niuniu and stay outside. This marks our very first taste of independency and we have only each other to rely on in future. This has to happen just 2 weeks before CNY. It doesnt helps beta when ma bf decided to turn on deaf ears to ma woes.

sexual confusion

2008-01-20T16:04:00.001+08:00

Diamond must be hating me in his lil young heart. I dolled him UP with a flower pin on his head. That caused sexual confusion to him. So he wimps out at da sight of cats like a wussy and barks ferociously at bak kua to show his powess. He is sucha wussy now.

Worst is yet to come. I've planned to dress him up in cheongsam during CNY and parade him around with that.

Despite being sucha wussy most of da time, "tee-ko-pek-ism" in in males blood. He sneaked into ma skirt at times to bite ma undies. Very indecent of him. Sexual confusion still, he must have regretted comin back with this pervert mummy.

He doesnt give a damn anyway. He still sleeps like a log nevertheless.

homeless diamond

2008-01-19T15:01:00.000+08:00

Ma mum blew her top finally. Diamond stepped on his own poo and sneaked out of his own cage, marking his trail around the house. Being the hygience freak herself, mum tolerance level has already reached her peak. She can stand Diamond no more. Despite ma strong alliance at home, mum still has da final say in da house as she territorized the house most of da time.

Im really upset with the decision. Diamond is now homeless. Im fretting ova this issue since mum mentioned of bringing him away. Diamond has all ma attention ever since he came home. I love him more than anything else. I'll fight fer diamond and ma right till da end!

diamond's return

2008-01-09T19:14:00.000+08:00

He kept everyone busy around him. He is like one of a miniature lion dance's lion. I doll him like a female pup. I gave him female names and his nickname is "niuniu". I buy him dresses and wait fer him to grow slightly bigger. Im letting him to cross dress. J0, these pics are fer ya. Knowing ya're very excited!

So everyone repeat after me. Love diamond, love ma dog!

2008-01-08T14:54:00.000+08:00

Im gonna collect ma diamond now.

Laterz

new year no resolution

2008-01-04T17:03:00.000+08:00

3 more days to diamond's release from da vet. Ahh, thanks dee on diamond's behalf fer sayin him cute. Im all hyped fer his arrival. Im sure mum and dad would accept him as a family member too!

New year new resolution. It seems like it's a routine fer everyone. Howeva, I have none this year. I cant seem to hold ma promise fer long as well.

This year's xmas eve and new year eve were norm fer me. Bf was drunk b4 we hit da club. New year eve was worst! He did something embarassing enough to cause him da joke of da new year!

Nevertheless, I hope this year would be a smooth sailing one. I anticipate there would be a major shuffle in work, school and family ties. I do wish everything would be easy to handle!

future baby

2007-12-28T22:28:00.000+08:00

A preview of diamond. Diamond may sounds really corny, but I have a really good reason behind it. Haha.. enough said! I'm missing her everyday! Cant wait fer 7th to come!

new found friend

2007-12-27T18:44:00.000+08:00

I received the first bday present today. Bf got me diamond to represent everlasting. I was spoilt fer choice when he brought me to choose. Da attendent was very attentive to ma needs. At last I chose da one which I feel Im connected to. It was love at first sight despite bf's disapproval. When da attendent pass diamond to me, I was elated.I know I will bring it to wherever I go. He paid fer da deposit and I could only retrieve it on da 7th next year. It was da first puppy I eva hugged.

I love ma bday present. I love diamond. I love bf!

twinsy love

2007-12-20T22:27:00.000+08:00

Im glad I bared ma feelings out to her. It was a great relief to ma over exhausted turmoiled heart. I should have told her earlier. Her magnimous heart makes me love her more. Our past misunderstandings and even if there's feuds between us, were melted down instantly.

We treat each other with extra care than da past. We love each other deeper, non other than ma other half, ma soulmate ma twin.

Gifts gifts gifts!

2007-12-16T20:57:00.000+08:00

This whole week, I blew ma wages at generous gifts fer bf. Left with few hundreds to pamper maself. Howeva, I have 'rebates' from bf. In return, he got me the things that I will neva will spend on.

Things has taken a change miraculously. I talked to Jo, and finally told Don. That makes our bond closer. Well Jo! Wait till ya come back and I shall fill ya up fer that.

Low cash flow in this festive season is suffering!

Bf said he wants to buy a puppy fer ma bday. Wonder if it's true, Im still waiting anxiously!

let's go

2007-12-12T20:50:00.000+08:00

Let's drink baby, let's drown our sorrows away.
Let's go fer a trip baby, escape from da woes remain.
Let me go baby, da way ya're holding is making me in pain.

I thought about alot of things last night while I was tossing around on bed.
Ma directions of life.

The love I cannot comprehend

2007-12-09T23:00:00.000+08:00

It's not made of numbers nor money. It's nurtured from emotions and human feeling.

It's getting so complicated and I cant seem to communicate.

It's hard to build but with a snap of finger, it crumbles just infront of me.

Perhaps we did not build a strong foundation, perhaps I played da game wrongly. Or perhaps we werent meant to be.

Each time afta an argument, I lost ma faith alil. Countless arguments till date, faith has somewhat been used up.

I have been secretly planning on something.

If he could see this, would he have made a miracle to save the what's not meant to be relationship?

Im not pinning high hopes like before. I have mentioned, passion dies as familiarities set in.

go on binge!

2007-12-08T13:38:00.000+08:00

Gosh.. I just cant refrain from eating because ma stomach cant stop growling. Xmas is ard da corner and I wanna look and be pretty. But I have been growin in size instead. gaahh

Things doesnt helps especially eating is da only activity with bf. I dun get to go places because time does not allow. Im upset!

Shaker fries is back. I have been gettin ma hands on it. Stained with da seaweed and smell like it! Ma fifth serving this week. Cant imagine how many extra value meals I have downed.

Had disagreement with bf. I could feel ma temperature was rising to a point that is beyond control. I blew ma top at da end. It did not help him to understand me beta.

ex-PS gurls

2007-12-02T17:10:00.000+08:00

Kinki, me and Wendy
Kinki, Don and Wendy
The twins :)

Met up with these 2 good friends of mine on Tue together with Don. Kinki's laughter is really contagious. We cant help but to be the center of da attraction whereva we go. She is someone whom ya would go mad if ya're fine dining with. Despite that, I love her for who she is.

************************************************************************

I laid on da Zouk's sofa in a druken stupor. Da pic says I was like a dead fish. Apparently, that was after a hard struggle with 8 men(according to Don) and they finally relented to let me rest there and remained untouch. So I got rid of ma extension for fear of someone might recognized me the next time to Zouk. Perhaps I should stay low profile fer 2 months.

2007-12-02T14:08:00.000+08:00

I dunno why but Im feeling inferior. To the extent of very depressing for me. Comparison from da outside world makes it worse. Deflates ma confidence level big time.

I hate it when Im starting to doubt ma own abilities, someone close would throw critics to further upset me. Not a word of consolence being heard.

They say, there's a understanding lady behind every successful man, is there a man who knows as much?

tracing paper

2007-11-24T14:30:00.000+08:00

I traced back the past with every might I reserved.

Da gentleness ya had fer me has faded long ago.

I cant remr when is da last time ya praised me.

Da appreciation has ceased to become nitty gritty things that ya're picking on.

Da concern I once received, is being barred from da barrier of selfishness.

Clouded with uncertainties that made both of us bitter.

"Ya'll learn one day" is wad ya always say but failed to acknowledge wad I shld be learning.

We change nobody.

I then realized, our love has died even before attaining to da maturity stage.

Im cool, this is da phase I gotta go through.

men just dun get it

2007-11-18T16:48:00.000+08:00

After a fight, be it small or big. Maybe da best music to da ears could be "I love ya". Soothing and sweet. Best remedy for the bruised ego and shattered heart.

Just how many man outside knows this little trick?

Every time after a fight, I then realized da fight is redundent. No solution is needed, no cold war after that if he knows da trick.

Instead, he chose to aggravate da situation ba agitating me further.

No one's fault fer da fight. If there is, that's being tactless. And inflexibility is da middle name fer men.

twisted

2007-11-11T14:56:00.000+08:00

Yesterday night, I felt a tinge of sadness. I made a call to Jo hoping to pour some sorrows that ma heart could no longer hold. It has been a mistake from da start. Thou I didnt really voice out the issues, but Im glad enough to hear her support ova da phone. I still hope to salvage da bits of face I left with mimimal strength.

I miss Mr Bean's days. I miss Holland's crowd. I miss da fun and laughters I used to have. Now, I could only surrender to a routined life that lacks of colors I cant afford to give.

wise man said

2007-11-06T21:32:00.000+08:00

Stepping in a relationship bound to get hurt.

When ya're being exploited in ya most vulnerable moment ba someone ya thought whom is closest to ya than anyone else in this world. All ya could feel is aches and aches and ACHES.

When the lies are being unfolded times and times again. It doesnt really matters whether those were small lies or big ones. To me, what's is the intention behind it?

There are so many things riskedgetting upset with. That is of course if ya're really ready to bungee yaself into a relationship. It takes so much more than vocal. What they say, sincerity, chemistry and responsibilities.

However, there are also different kinds of happiness ya getta taste like ya have never had.

Ma dad overheard the heated argument I had with bf. So he enlightened me with his words while sending me to bus stop. He made me see things in a different perspective.

Yeeyyy!

2007-11-06T19:33:00.000+08:00

Down with two major. I could breathe again. Being vocal is not enough, things mentioned are not being heeded ba a grp member. This black sheep is incorrigible can!!

I think im gonna risk maself this sem. Gonna seek external help in wadeva I can. I just cant be bothered anymore.

Jo was telling me about our big plan. She sparks off with the idea in ma head but neva get to process and finally die in ma brain too. Im so anxious fer her to commence da opening. Soon, this blog might be a desert. Dry without entries. *wail*

2007-11-01T21:27:00.000+08:00

Bad day. Bad start. Bad omen. Damnnn.

2007-10-31T18:28:00.000+08:00

Im starting to get mad about maself.

I chided one of ma member for the misconduct. It took alot of courage to do so.

fair lady

2007-10-28T14:41:00.000+08:00

When ya grow especially inclined on someone emotionally, ya know there isnt space for ya to think correctly. Ya emotions had took over the mind.

So as time goes by, ya have grown haggard after da constant wear and tear during the fight.

There will be a day ya will turn back and smile at ya folly. Thinking about the past ya had with dat man. Ma lady, when will ya wake up from the dreams?

many more

2007-10-24T19:08:00.000+08:00

Anthony was very upset with our group when we attend his class on Tuesday. We are not doing stuffs we are suppose to and we cant blame him at all. That really serves as a wake up call to us.

I thought about alot of stuffs recently. While I was on ma way to AMK on monday, I thought about the days I had in secondary school. That kinda carefree life is what I missed. While waiting for ma mum to touch down from Macau, I then realized we haven been spending quality mother-and-daughter time together. I sat on his car to JB last night, I realized there were so much things I can do other than being ever so uptight about him. So much more. I feel like I have attained another level of understanding and no longer persist in the things I cant have.

snap it~

2007-10-17T18:35:00.000+08:00

I had lofty aspirations. Uptight about ma future, thought big for ma dreams. I suppose complaceny plays a big part over these years. Attractive paid job for 2 years got me blinded for as long as I've started working.

I used to think im a different individual that can excel in anything. I thought I could blend into any situation without hiccups. I thought I can shine from the norm. But now, Im just covered with doubts for ma abilities. I have lost the confidence I had.

However, Im glad I have 2 close friends who have faith in me. The two who always believe and spur me on. With their encouragements, Im moving on and found back ma big dreams.

hair, nothin but hassle!

2007-10-13T16:32:00.000+08:00

Ma classmate, Nur rolled her eyes and said "again?"

Mel asked me, " Ya just cant wait for it to grow?"

Ma lecturer, May said "If ya have too much money and dunno how to spend, give me some."

Ma hair changes every week. Had black extensions and take it off after two months. Changed ma hair colour almond.

Getting ma hair braided in Thailand.
Took it off barely after a week.

2 Weeks after that, I got ma hair extended again! This time with colour closely matched ma dyed hair and bleached streaks!

Getting extensions like free flow? And they misinterpreted Im filthy rich. That's not true.

a silly rant outta nowhere

2007-10-12T14:15:00.000+08:00

So it's hard to capture the opportunity of stablizing the relationship like any others. Half of the time, we spent quarrelling over the unneccessaries. Da other half, we spent the time with others and not alone.

I hate waiting and expecting. If he is going to have lunch with me? Am I included in his day plans? Shall i voice out if I wish to see him? If he still excited to hang out with me despite spending yst and da day day before with me? I had been so uncontrollably mad over these issues over countless times. What actually caused it?

I hate it when he hurl verbal abuse to me. It could means nothing to anyone. Even a weak hearted may not feel the pressure nor feel threatened towards it. However, it cringes ma little heart everytime he does that. Da words revolved into poisonous darts hit on bull's eyes that landed on ma heart. It becomes curse and got me trapped in the words from time to time. What do I mean to him exactly?

I hate to think back of the past. Da fearsome truth that makes me and our bond so fragile. Why am I being implicated. Why didnt he collect his feelings well enough before making a new step that means so much more?

I then understood. If love exists, a lil gesture from him will make ya a happy lil woman who would bask into pool of fire for him. A lil mistake from him will make ya in living hell. Ya will be riding emotion roller coaster ever since. Ya would go extra miles for the sake of love. Ya would do silly things in everyone's eyes yet ya dun give a hoot so long ya're in love.

So, if da love dies, ya begin to see the world in different perspectives. And the whole thing mentioned above will then naturally means nothing.
Why do ma love hardly gets reciprocated? Does that means, wait for ma passion to die off?